WANTED: Ho Ho Holiday Mayhem

While it is normally in my nature to mock Camp and his requests for me to contribute to his website, I felt all sorts of invested to get this opportunity. About a month back, I was on the phone with my distributor and he was running through the “must shelves” coming up, (Those are the movies my customers will “absolutely be looking for.” I usually call them “dust collectors”). I was only half listening when I heard him say “FATMAN.” Now, being a man of respectable girth, I responded accordingly.

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

Not wanting to lose another client to Amazon, he quickly explained, and I was intrigued. The story of an angry little shit taking a hit out on Santa Claus because he got coal in his stocking. Starring Walton Goggins as the hitman? Nice. Then he hits me with the uppercut.

Mel Gibson. As Santa.

I told him to express me the screener and hung up.

Now I know we aren’t supposed to support Mel Gibson anymore, but seriously? If I was to get rid of every film in the store that involved a problematic asshat, the only thing we could rent out is our surveillance tapes and footage from the Ground Zero Drive-in after the moonshine/Camry fire incident.

So, here’s the flick. Chris (Gibson) is disgruntled, tired, and low on funds. Seems the nations of the world aren’t as compensating as they once were when it comes to his toy deliveries. The US Government is looking to strong arm him into a military contract, at a price which will restore them back to their prime, but Chris and his wife Ruth (Marianne Jean-Baptiste), are hesitant to get into bed with them for obvious reasons. 

Meanwhile, Billy (Chance Hurstfield) the most evil, entitled little shit you can imagine x10, has been handed his first loss at the science fair. Using checks stolen from his grandmother, he hires Skinny Man (Goggins) to intimidate the winner into saying she cheated so that he can claim victory. Of course, such nefarious acts can lead to only one outcome: a lump of coal from Santa. As this can’t stand, Billy calls upon the Skinny Man once more. Billy wants him to kill Santa Claus, a job he is all too willing to take.

Now, I’m not gonna spoil how this all goes down. It gets dark, but not so dark that you don’t get some levity thrown in for good measure. Very reminiscent of Gibson in his prime, when it was still alright to like him. I’m not gonna say you HAVE to watch it, but I think you should. Separate the Artist from the Art and let yourself go. If it helps, get somebody else to pay for it. 

FATMAN, available on Blu-ray, available now, at Video Playground

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