Doctor Camp is MISSING?!?!

Y’all. Y’aaaaaaaaall… 

This last week here in the Bunker has been something else. You see, to those of us who live here, Halloweek, I mean, Halloween, is a fairly special time for us. This is our time. We live and breathe our classic horror and Hollyweird favorites. And we all get a little…extra.

But, I haven’t seen Doctor Camp since last Sunday. He went off to Town with Belladonna (he’s still pissed at me, though I’m not sure why…) in her cute little black hearse, but he didn’t come back with her. I can only assume that he’d somehow pissed off Mike and perhaps has become part of Mike’s “decorations” around the theater and shop. Maybe I should take a trip into Town…

In any case, Belladonna did come back with a bag full of movies, a load of various herbs that I don’t want to know about, and a lot, I mean A LOT of vodka. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know anything about that, so I just let her be. But I was terribly curious about those movies. *sigh* Note to self: when getting nosy, don’t ask about the liquor. Do NOT ask about the liquor.

I caught Richard in the viewing room, making a mess with all the pizza and popcorn that would surely get the good Doctor riled. I’m not entirely sure what it was he was watching. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t porn, but again, not sure. There was plenty of blood and screaming, so maybe it was just some good ol’ 70s Drive-In faire. I hope. Note to self: sanitize. SANITIZE EVERYTHING IN THE VIEWING ROOM. Including the ceiling…

So, by Tuesday, I realized that Doctor Camp was, in fact, missing. No one had passed on a review to go up here on the website, and I started to get concerned. I tried to get into Belladonna’s room to ask her where he was, but all I heard was maniacal laughter, deep chanting, and a faint hum. Yeah, we’re just gonna leave that there, too.

I went through his office and into his room to scope things out, and it looks like he left of his own volition. Nothing was out of place. His laptop was on but locked. It smelled a little weird, but not unpleasant. But something still seemed off. After rearranging his furniture and fiddling with the placement of some of his posters, the room felt better. I don’t subscribe to that Feng Shui stuff, but I must say, after this adventure, it might have some merit.

So, by Thursday, pretty much everyone was running amok. I did my due diligence and tried to make sure everyone was following through with their assignments, but all I got for my efforts were a lot of “sure, Crystal Dawn, I’ll get right on that.” They did not, in fact, get right on that. I still couldn’t get Belladonna to answer the door; though the humming had stopped, the chanting continued along with a rhythmic thump that I was pretty sure was Blair, but again, I wasn’t cracking open that can. Richard had a game system hooked up, somehow, in the viewing room. He’d given up on movies or TV entirely. There was still a lot of debris piling up.

On Friday, I had given up hope of Doc’s return. I took a spin into Town, enjoying a little Death Proof moment, driving through the country roads without my lights on, T-tops down, letting the cool air invigorate me. I mean, the moon was full, it’s not like I needed the lights. Anyhow, I cruised a bit through Town, checking out a few of the Halloween displays a couple of the die-hards put up. Of course, Mike had everything decked out around the shop and theater. I didn’t see the Doctor as part of the display, so I figured he wasn’t there. So I turned around and headed on out to the drive-in, Ground Zero, which turned out to be packed, obviously. Looks like they had a huge turn out for their socially distanced Trunk-or-Treat and double feature. There were lots of little ghouls and goblins running about, and no too few big ones. (And that’s awesome. Being an adult sucks. You keep feeding your childhood, sweeties!) But no Doctor.

Which brings me to last night. Wow. I did not know the Bunker would be home to that kind of party… Somehow, Richard produced a few cases of the Claw and some 4Lokos. By the time I was up and moving around, which was around 3pm, he’d already gone through a couple…cases. It was, something else. Baylie, who I hadn’t heard a peep out of all week (which should have been disconcerting, considering how loud she plays those tapes), was in there, whooping his butt at MK11. Probably helped that she was being a good girl and staying sober. 

I can’t really say anything, since before long I was cradling my second bottle of Jack like a newborn in the crick of my arm. But I am what is known as a “Professional Drinker”, so it made little sense to see him so wasted on so little. All I could do was shake my head. The big shock, though, came when I started snooping in the Doc’s office, sometime after nightfall. Aoife was somehow in Camp’s office, curled up on the couch under a tea towel, bottle of Scotch empty on the coffee table. Christ, I was going to have to hope his drunk erased how to get down to the Bunker. My drunk ass was not prepared to have to haul him upstairs and get him lost. “I’ll work on that,” a slightly slurred, disembodied voice said. The Phantom has ways, I guess. Still, I was going to have to figure out a way to drag his ass up to his car. A problem for a different time, I thought to myself as I took a slug from my bottle.

I went back to my room and gave Brraapaa a call. You could tell that he, too, was feeling the holiday spirit, if you catch my drift. But, I gave him the situation on Aoife, and he promised he’d help with the relocation, since he was doing the thing at Ground Zero. It was nice to know he had the Bunker’s back. And he hadn’t heard from the Doctor, either, but wasn’t too concerned. 

If I had to guess, it was close to midnight and on my third bottle that I decided to chance Belladonna’s door one more time. The bouncing had stopped. The laughter had stopped. All that was left was the chanting. If I had to guess, it was Latin, but the door muffled the sound enough and I was drunk enough that I couldn’t be sure. I tugged up the bodice on my devil costume and took a long pull on my bottle before getting the courage to knock. One. More. Time.

The chanting stopped.

I won’t lie, I was swaying on my feet a little as I knocked again. Belladonna had the Doctor stashed somewhere, I was sure. I wasn’t going to leave until I found him. I’m too pretty to attempt to lead this rag-tag bunch, and I didn’t have the passwords to update the website. I heard Blair meow, then hiss. Then the door opened.

There stood Doctor Camp. Wide-eyed. Covered in a pink-ish goo. Good, I thought to myself. He’s back. Then I passed out at his feet.

Happy Halloween!

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