WTF?!?! – Resident Evil

Will Blanton

The Resident Evil franchise is known to gamers around the world for being the pioneer of the “Survival Horror” genre. Releasing 9 games, with ports and remakes spanning 23 years, one would think that they would make a decent movie right? Well in the immortal words of one Wayne Camp, “Pick something that pisses you off, you’ve been way too nice recently.” Can do good sir. Now by no means was it on the shitty levels of a Postal or a Sonic The Hedgehog trailer, but for fucks sake they had to take a concept that worked and flip it on its fucking head.

The Resident Evil movie universe started March 15th 2002 and had a budget of $33 million. It grossed $103 million at the box office, and I’m one of those poor suckers that bought tickets the opening week back during my junior year of high school. Oh, how naive I was as a child. Unlike the Power Rangers movie, Resident Evil had absolutely no connection to the source material. I tried my hardest to make some sort of connection between the two. “Maybe this happened at Umbrella HQ during the first game?” but as I sit in the realm of an alternate reality they introduce us to Alice. How? In a fucking bathroom floor suffering from temporary amnesia. I instantly went into “No-Fucks Mode”

(Please note: This is a recalling of me as a 16-year-old. There are no thoughts of my previous article of The Source Doesn’t Matter. Please don’t old it against me.)

The god-damned characters had nothing to do with the source material. I understand that the whole amnesia angle was a reason to get behind Alice, but why the hell couldn’t they just use Chris and Clare or at the fucking least Jill and Barry? This complete disconnect pissed off a lot of people because they went into the movie based on the name alone expecting all of the recognizable names to be there. Instead they had to fucking flip what worked for the games on their heads and make BRAND NEW CHARACTERS with a lame ass excuse. “Well the setting of the movie was in the Umbrella HQ.” No, go fuck right off. People spent hundreds of dollars on consoles and games in the franchise to be able to love these characters in the realm of zombie infestation, and you had to deny them the pleasure of loving the movie by making a character NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT!!! Yes they explain in backfill of story for her, but when she was first mentioned by name, my brain clocked out and went the fuck home.

Characters from the games do appear in the movie franchise as Jill Valentine (RE1), Carlos Olivera (Nemesis), Claire Redfield (RE2), Albert Wesker (RE1), Chris Redfield (RE2), Barry Burton (RE1) and Ada Wong (RE2) all make an appearance but it’s a tad bit too late for me personally, as a lot of people tended to disagree with me as they would end up averaging $200 Million in sales off of an average budget of $48 Million per movie. The critics couldn’t make up their fucking minds as every one of the reviews I’ve seen were completely mixed. In the middle of doing research for this, it turns out that in 2017, Constantin Films (who own the movie rights) stated via Chairman Martin Moszkowicz, and yes that’s a real name, that there is a reboot in development with James Wan producing, and written by Greg Russo. James Wan has been in the industry for years even though he had no part in production of the original movie series, and was the Executive Producer for the Saw franchise after the first one. However Greg Russo has written the script for one movie, that’s currently in pre-production; the Mortal Kombat Reboot due out in 2021. So we have to wait 2 years, to figure out if this new reboot of the Resident Evil franchise is going to be any good. I’ll wait.

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