WTF?!?! – Big Bad Beetleborgs

will
Will Blanton

Oh lord, what the hell have I gotten myself into. First Power Rangers, then VR Troopers, now this? Have I just engrained myself with 90’s nostalgia so much that I have gone from hate, to love, and now back to hate? Do Wayne and Brandon hate me so much they keep asking for bits of 90’s American Fuckery? Big Bad Beetleborgs has lived up to its name.

 

It ran for eighty-eight episodes from September 1996 to March 1998 and has three children making up the three super heroes in the show. If you go back to my Double Dare review, you’ll remember that I said “Don’t let children speak” and in this case you can apply it to 90’s super heroes shows as well. In the first episode I think the oldest kid was maybe thirteen, and the acting is painful to watch.

The way the kids got their powers is just fucking mind-boggling. Turns out that one of the children has parents that own a comic book shop and in the first few scenes with them, they are looking at a Beetleborgs comic. Later, they go into a haunted house on a dare, and one of them bumps into a pipe organ releasing a ghost that was a mixture of Elvis and Jay Leno named Flabber. Upon release he said that he could grant the three of them one wish. If I ever had the ability to gain a wish by bumping into shit, I would be financially set for the rest of my natural fucking life. After thinking for a few minutes they tell him they want the powers of the Beetleborgs. Upon granting the powers, it was unknown to everyone that all of the evil that was in the comic book of reference was brought into the real world as well, setting up the plot for the series. Not only were they granted the powers of the Beetleborgs when they transform, but all of the attributes could be used in their child states as well. All of the monsters that live in the house, known as the Hillhurse Mansion, are comedic parodies of the traditional Universal Movie monsters as there is a vampire, named Count Fangula, a mummy named Mums, a werewolf named Wolfgang, and a ghoul like creature named Little Ghoul. They ALL are there for comedic relief, and it just un-fucking-necessary.

What really grinds my gears is that during the course of the series, it is revealed that if there was a change in the comics, there would be a change in the real world as well. For example, the “borgs” went to the comic’s creator Art Fortunes to be the role of Zordon in the series. He was reluctant at first but after they show their abilities of speed, strength and fucking telekinesis he caved in and helped out. This turned into a six episode story arc where he would create a third Beetleborg, the White Blaster Beetleborg. I can automatically assume that I would rather watch the Green Ranger story arc again.

Overall, the fights were awesome, the story was “meh”, and I would completely binge watch if it was older teenagers that were casted in the role. As it is, I would NOT watch again even if I was paid to do so.

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