Somehow I’ve managed to piss someone off, and now I’m stuck watching ANOTHER episode of Green with Evil. I understand that with my foul languange being strong, and getting stronger with each episode, I’ll be trying to curb all of my anger and frustrations with this perticular review by turning my anger into something colorful.
The episode starts off with all of the Rangers in the command center watching Goldar cause a complete mess of Angel Grove while he’s in “Big Bastard Form”, turning cardboard buildings into shreds and they morph to try and cut him off. As they try to morph, all of the morphers explode in that sweet sweet 90’s pyrotechnics. It turns out that they are the ones causing their own issue as a beam that is trying to locate Zordon is producing a interdimentional power surge It shuts down all power within the Command Center and the Morphin’ Grid. With 5 humans and a robot, they couldn’t have had the brainpower to see that it COULD be a problem?
Cut away from the center to show Goldar cutting down some buildings but there’s one thing that bothers me in this particular scene: when you cut something, it just falls over right? Well, there’s a explosion when he cuts into a building. Turns out that they just used that as a UNNECESSARY CUT AWAY as they cut back to Rita’s Moon Base.
This is basically a recap from the last time we saw the bad guys in the base, as they say that Rita was going to cause a eclipse and block the MegaZord from receiving solar power and shut down in the middle of their next fight. Once again, an UNNECESSARY CUT AWAY! Why didn’t they just omit this scene as they mentioned it the episode before? I understand that some people might have missed last episode but it would be more exciting if they just put in the fight scene and see if it actually worked. “Shock and Awe” would have been best here. They actually decide to use the Green Ranger here instead of a monster, which is a weird thing because isn’t Goldar destroying the city?
Back in the command center, Billy is tinkering around with wires as he tries to get the power back online, with pressure from Kimberly, Trini and Alpha. After it appears that he was doing absolutely nothing for a moment he gets the power back online and they morph only to beat up some puddies.
Scorpina shows up and shocks them with a bolt of lighting for no reason and Goldar shows up and causes a complete cluster. The Angel Grove smoothie shack is about to collapse as Ernie is trying to usher everyone out of the building in the calmest of voices. Skull tries to leave the bar, but Bulk forces him back down in his seat as he’s “Not done eating his ice cream yet.” A steel beam drops on the bar directly in front of them as Bulk finishes as quickly as possible so they can high tail it out of the building. They realize that the Youth Center bus is the fastest way out, as they commit Grand Theft Auto to get out of harms way.
The Green Ranger makes a appearance in the command center yet again while Alpha is working on the computers, and at this time Zordon is sort of back as the visual isn’t back but his voice is. Zordon tries to get Alpha to turn around as Tommy pulls something out of Alpha’s butt crack to shut him down.
Back to the fight scene as Goldar happens to pick up the bus with Bulk and Skull in it making it “Comedic Gold”. At this point there are several UNNECESSARY CUT AWAYS, as they are mixing scenes with each other.
Shot of Bulk and Skull in the bus.
Back to Goldar.
Back to Bulk and Skull
Then to Tommy in the Command Center
Then To Bulk and Skull AGAIN.
Coming back from a commercial break, we see the bus that have Dipshit and Slapnuts locked inside is teetering on the edge of a cliff, rocking back and forth due to some puddies being assholes. All that they are doing in this scene is that there are civilians in peril, and trying to be funny at the same time.
ONCE AGAIN IN THE COMMAND CENTER, Tommy is being quite the douche as he is attempting to shut down the center for the last time. Alpha’s backup generator activates and traps the Green Ranger in a force field. Them 90’s CG graphics are quite tasty.
ONCE AGAIN IN THE FUCKING BUS FOR NO REASON!!!
They call for the Zords as Rita commands the goons to throw the bus over the cliff, and with the 45 second cut scene where they have to call the Zords, they manage to get the bus over in time…but is caught by the MegaZord and PLACED BACK ON THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF!!! Dumb asses…
Zord fight with Goldar as the eclipse starts and Rita is making Scorpina grow. She went from a human with scorpion features into a full blown scorpion monster. The Jollyville Fuck-ups tend to get the upper hand due to the eclipse trick actually working. They go from flat on their back to up and kicking ass when they call on the power sword. Rita goes into a 3 on 1 attack plan as they grab Tommy out of the force field right as Alpha was going to figure out who was behind the helmet.
I’m kinda shocked I haven’t mentioned this before, but when Rita says “Magic Wand, make my monster grow” couldn’t that be a joke for a sex toy?
Rita has won the fight as they managed to destroy the Zords with fire. They stand on the cliff and watch them go down in flames.
Back at the command center, Jason and Alpha are giving them a lame ass pep talk as the computer bleeps and bloops. After Alpha says some Star Trek technobabble, it turns out that they now have the ability to know who the Green Ranger is. After taking a look at the viewing globe, they are all in shock as a pixelated Tommy is reveled and TO BE CONTINUED is faded into the screen.
I’m just fucking glad that there’s only one more episode, because if I’m forced to watch BOTH movies…I would rather drink motor oil.