WTF?!?! – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Green With Evil (Episode 2)

will
Will Blanton

Jason’s battle oddly starts out where the last one left off and Jason is super pissed; and with Zordon down and Alpha out of a commission with a STD, they couldn’t do much.

Billy repairs Alpha with no help what so ever, while at the same time not looking like he’s doing a fucking thing. At the same time Rita is plotting to give Tommy the “Dagger of Darkness”, which has the ability to give Rita full control over the green one unless it’s broken. Broken?! What the hell? An object, granting a humanoid the ability to control someone, and used as a major plot driving device, is a trope I can’t get behind. Yes it’s used regularly (See any Thor movie and you’ll understand) but to control someone with it BEING ABSOLUTELY KNOWN by the antagonist that it’s fragile as fuck, really blows me out of the water.

While Rita dumps Tommy off in a alley, he’s confronted by the two comedic turds in the Power Rangers punch bowl, Bulk and Skull. They are the wise asses with the wise ass comments. What does Tommy do? SHOOT GREEN LIGHTNING OUT OF HIS EYES! He can also do a hell of a magic trick and the lightning can control the feet of the two potential high school drop outs and make them jump in a dumpster. If I had the ability to do that at work, I wouldn’t have a issue with about ninety percent of the people I have issues with.

Back at Arnie’s Juice bar, Zack is holding a punching bag for Jason, who just has a raging boner for finding out who the Green Ranger is. “Who is he?” and “I want to get my hands on this guy.” happens to be most of what he’s saying in this scene. No idea why it’s even here really. Just two rangers attempting to have some down time but Rita is being a bitch with this whole thing. Just a filler, nothing important here except a budding bromance between Tommy and Jason. Who knew years later that they would completely hate each other?

Back at the command center, Billy is underneath some part of control board trying to get things working again. Trini is there with him and it finally hits me that Billy and Trini are always together in these “Ranger Down Time Scenes”. You had Zack and Jason, Trini and Billy, and when Tommy becomes a full time Ranger he’s always got Kimberly swinging on his nuts. I understand characters need to have a partner to work with as a pair of buddy characters, but if I’m having a flash back to this shit it needs to be obvious that things need to change. Like have the jock be the buddy to the nerd. If I knew then what I know now.

I paused it yet again in the following scene with Tommy and the locker and I’m just going to guess what’s going to happen. Tommy is going to grab a book for class and Kimberly is gonna show up and be his little lost puppy. Lo and Behold, the wonders of “CAPTAIN FUCKING OBVIOUS” as she comes to trot her faded denim ass into the scene for a romantic advancement on the antagonistic prick. Oh Tommy, showing the signs of a true heel by using HAIR GEL!!! Whomever actually lets their kid wear hair gel in high school deserves to get punched in the dick.

OBLIGATORY MOON BASE SCENE WITH RITA!!!

Wait wait wait…..

Tommy said “You summon me.” Yep, it is not a typo because it’s exactly what I heard. Not “Summoned”.

Now, Goldar said that if Tommy can beat the Puddies without weapons or powers he’ll get the “Sword of Darkness”. So they are basically going to make him fight the WEAKEST monsters that Rita has to get the strongest weapon they have at their disposal. Ya know, 90’s TV logic at it’s finest.

Zack is with Kimberly trying to get their communicator working only to obviously say “Our shit isn’t working, let’s use this flying car to get to the command center.” YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! WE CAN’T GO MORE THAN ONE EPISODE WITHOUT THE FLYING CAR IN THIS FUCKING LAME STORY ARC!!!

Once again in the realm of “TRANSITIONS THAT MAKE NO SENSE”, Jason appears in the hallway asking people where Tommy is. After 3 seconds pass, he runs into him coming down the stairs. He says that something came up so he couldn’t hang that day. As he walks away Tommy reaches into his pocket and grabs his Power Coin only to shoot a green beam of something and hits Jason in the back, transporting him to a dominatrix’s basement.

THE VERY NEXT SCENE, we go back to Zack with Kimberly where they were two minutes earlier. Nothing has changed. They haven’t moved. Turns out they were waiting on Jason to get to the command center, but since shit isn’t working the way it was intended they can’t contact him.

THE SCENE AFTER THAT, Goldar pops up playing the role of the Dom, as it’s revealed that he also snagged Jason’s morpher.

This all happened 10:35 into the episode not counting the 1 minute for the opening to the fucking thing. Why do I have to suffer for this? IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL ART?! I CALL THIS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT?!?! Wait. I’ve got a note saying I’ll have 10 minutes of sunshine in the bunker? Okay, that’s all I asked for.

ANYWAY!!

Goldar says “Your communicator doesn’t work, but your morpher might.” I felt this was very awkward because normally when you see Goldar in the series it’s only in the Sentai footage on the Moon Base or in fight scenes with the Zords, not in a fight scene with the actor without the ranger suit on. I felt like this was the only time that they should have done it more often instead of obviously editing it to where he’s on the top of a building while the rangers look at him before morphing.

FOR THE THIRD TRANSITION IN A ROW, Zack and Kimberly get so worried about Jason that they get in the car and fly to the command center. I have no idea why they did this, but they could have easily done “Goldar Vs. Jason” as one scene and THEN Zack and Kimberly being worried in a completely different one. In Episode One, did I mention that the flying car was a “Steam Powered Bug”? No? Okay then.

Cut back to the fight scene with Goldar for a minute. He physically has Jason’s morpher right? He’s even in this current scene with it in his hand. The question I have now is, where does he put it if he has to use both hands to fight?! He doesn’t have pockets and at first glance he doesn’t even wear pants, so where is the morpher?!

They got just enough going at the command center to allow the rangers to morph (and to even up the score.) and transport themselves to Tommy who is currently fucking shit up again. The fight gets so bad that they summon the MegaZord to fight off Tommy and save the day…for now…

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